Thursday, November 24, 2005

Wow. Allowing small miracles.

11/23/05 I've just had some wonderful emails from Gina. In answering something she said and explaining to her about how I felt about myself, I got into a funk. I turned my thinking around and deleted the stuff that didn't feel good and sent her a very nice email that felt good and said what I wanted to say. She sent me back a stunning email, short but stunning, about how special I was to her as a friend and that she had asked for me. She'd asked for someone who lived close enough to talk who was studying Abraham and reality creation, too. It just hit me when I opened the email. I was feeling toadlike even though I had gotten my energy at a better level, but still wasn't feeling good. There was so much light in her email I couldn't answer it right then. I had to do some allowing inside myself, did some things around the house, and then answered it a bit later.

What I realize now from all this is how important it is to have friends who match the best in us. We call each other forth. When you are walking consciously with a friend that is exploring life the way you are, you call out the best in each other because you have to allow yourself to love yourself a bit more and a bit more and more and more to let that friendship grow. We are truly creating then, truly being leading edge for ourselves.

And this is the third day for miracles for me, for something very sweet. Monday my niece bought my dinner and ticket to a movie. I had $5 to last for two weeks and it was so much fun. Then the next day my brother unexpectedly sent me a check for $100. Then today, Gina sent her email.

I feel like I'm filling out, filling out with love, like I was an outline before or maybe possibilities. I just wasn't fully alive in here, not filling the space of this body, and now I feel like I am. It's like the light was inside and hidden and now it feels to me like it is shining gently through the flesh of my body and out into the world.


11/24/05 in the wee hours of the morning. I had so much energy I stayed up until 4 am. Wrote this.

Small miracles. We allow the small miracles and that helps us allow the bigger ones. We get comfortable with allowing ourselves to feel good, with having people appreciate us. It begins to match...inside and outside.

Bask in every pleasure. I was stopped at a light in my car a few days ago and a flock of swallows came into the bushes by the road looking for food. They were puffed out with the cold and cheerful and happy, chirping at each other, busy about their daily business of just plain enjoying life and living it. I watched them for probably less than a minute, but what a pleasure they were. Life is filled with seconds and minutes just like this and when we appreciate, that's what we see all day. It's always there.

That's why it's important to appreciate and enjoy and allow ourselves to bask in our enjoyment. Love is the miracles that come to us and when we appreciate, we send them out.


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