Friday, June 08, 2007

I experience my choices as threads weaving my life

I've always had more things I was interested in experiencing and learning about than there are hours in the day. Sometimes I make lists. Sometimes I don't. I have lots of ways to manage the feelings of overwhelment and frustration that I experience from so many desires and more and more I'm "dropping the oars" as Abe says, getting in the flow, and allowing the Universe to take care of the details.

Today was a list making day and I put so much on it that I knew I wouldn't get it all done. I just used it as a way to focus so that was ok. I like to change what I'm doing: alternating chores with working on my computer is refreshing to my body and alternating various writing and research activities refreshes my mind. My desire right now is to create ways to bring in money that I really love and I started to be concerned that I wasn't focusing exclusively on a big project to follow it through to the end.

I've had some experiences lately where I would start into a new area of spiritual interest and all of a sudden could see the footsteps of the path that I had been on that led me there. Sometimes over a period of forty years! Interests that I had in college in the late 60's, picked up in a different way in the 70's, explored in another way in the 80's. It felt to me like time was wrapping around and touching in all of those places and now they came together in the understanding I had been seeking.

I've been thinking about success lately and what it means to me. The work ethic of my family and the community that I grew up in was that you work hard, have a plan, and when you do "it" right, you are successful. Everything else was pretty fluffy.

Sometimes I do focus on one thing and don't want anything at all to distract me, but today my concern was about choosing to have a buffet of actions to select from instead of making one of them a major focus and seeing it to completion (and therefore to be successful). I had a powerful realization though: that I am weaving a whole cloth. If I look closely at these actions I'm taking and pull them out of context I can see a thread that is a flash fiction story or a thread that is dishes being done, but if I stand back and really look, I can see that I am weaving my life -- that's the whole cloth. That's the experience I've been having lately when I get this flash of all of the connected activities from the past that led to what I was doing in that moment.

The greater part of our creating goes on at a spiritual and energetic level that we aren't aware of and surfaces almost fully formed into the physical world. That's when we take action. I don't have to manage that creative process with my intellect, as a matter of fact I slow it down and resist it when I try to manage it because the energy of creating is so fast.

I know there are great mysteries in the impulses that come to me. Gifts that are given that I didn't even realized I'd asked for. There is an exquisite timing of events, some which I was so unhappy about at the time and thought I had failed -- thought I had made bad choices. But what has happened is that I see where I made the best choice I could at the time because I was stepping out into unknown territory and not only that, it was a footstep on a path that has led me to success, achieving understanding or getting something I desired, but always it was an experience of my Self.

We are actually masters at living our lives. We are the only one that knows what will make us happy. We are the one that feels the rhythm of life that flows through us. We are the choosers and the experiencers.

There is a lot of information available now about the Law of Attraction and getting what we desire. And that is great. It's wonderful. It's fun. But it's not all about getting what we desire. The more we live our life the way that we enjoy, the more powerful we are because we are in alignment with our own true, loving Self.


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