Friday, May 05, 2006

Enjoying contrast

Woke up this morning at 3 am, washed some dishes and did a few things around the house. I was thinking about the job I'm going in to in a few hours, wanting to feel better and was guided to listen to a new Abe tape I have again. The important part for me was in that first message that Abe gives. Abe talks about the process of contrast and how we focus our desires by the contrast. This is an unending process and Abe asks if we are enjoying the contrast and our unfulfilled desires, even if we don't have any idea of how they might manifest. I would usually have said "no", but this time I really heard it and had a series of understandings, one right after another.

I think the most importantant awareness is that it really is about my thinking. Even when I think it is outside of me -- job, money, even health and body -- it's really about my thinking.

Abe talked about the action journey and the emotional journey. The example they gave was of speaking to a woman with arthritis in her hips. The woman was uncomfortable in most positions and Abe told her that was her action journey. But there is an emotional journey going on right beside it. She can either feel hopeful along with her arthritis or fearful. And if she feels hopeful, she will feel better which is one benefit, and it will also get better.

I thought about many things this morning, but one was about some almost subliminal thinking I have had about myself and work (money, taking care of myself, worthiness). I can feel it, but not hear what the words are. It seems like I have always thought it so it has to be something from high school or before that I repeated or heard many times. There is a familiar feeling attached to it and it was the vibration I was sending out along with other things I thought about money, self, jobs.

So, this subliminal thinking is really the "Now" of my vibration about work and money. The action journey of the work I'm going in to today is the contrast that is focusing my desire. I wasn't enjoying it. I woke up early, asked for help, and got this reminder from Abe that the purpose of this job is for me to focus on what I want. And by following that guidance I realized I had this subliminal message that underlies my thinking about work that has been holding me in a stuck place.

I don't need to hear the words of the subliminal message, I've gotten aware of parts of it. But I certainly feel the emotions that come from the thought. It's a real "gut" feeling so it affects the solar plexus. I know enough to know that I want to change it to something that feels better! And I know that because I have asked, I will receive the answer. :) :) :)

The other part of this is that there are things in the world that seem to need to be resolved by action: if I want a different job, send out resumes. But Abe is saying, and I am coming to understand this more and more, that our journey is an emotional one. Do the work on our thinking first and the rest will follow naturally. I really feel that this is true.

This way, by doing the work on my thinking and emotions first, I feel that work that comes now will be something new that I wouldn't have thought of before. I wouldn't have thought I could do it or I wouldn't have thought it existed. I wouldn't have seen it!

I have been changing my thinking, especially the last few months and I am already experiencing the new awareness. I love the earth and animals and I just found out last weekend about some exciting bio-initiatives the state of Indiana is taking. Also, the work I'm going in to shortly has been scoring 10th grade science tests and it reminds me how much I love science. I love reading about astronomy, the earth and animals. I just like learning about it and seeing it. These are signs that what I have asked for is coming to me -- it is beginning to manifest and I am allowing myself to see it.

I have a gathering feeling of my world filling in with things I want to do rather than things I have to do and making time afterwards for things that interest me. Even though I enjoyed science and was in a biochemistry program at one time, I wasn't interested in working in a lab or teaching. I'm interested in experiences and learning. I like expanding my thinking. How exciting to think of work that would be that way for me.

This awareness this morning has given me another important acceptance of the process of creating reality: to become comfortable with contrast and to see the value of it is to let me focus more clearly on what I want. When I trust that what I ask for is given to me, then contrast is not unpleasant, it becomes a game almost. Oh boy! Let me see what new good thing I'm going to find here!!

I feel so much better now than at 3 am. Each time this happens it is powerful to experience that by changing my thinking, I change my feelings and my experience of life. I remember I have control over my experience of life and I see myself and life in a new way, right Now.

Abe says whatever we want, we want it because we think we will feel better when we have it. What a relief it is to have this reminder that how I feel isn't tied to anything in the physical world. I can enjoy what comes to me, but I don't have to have it to feel good.

Now to get ready for work and see what interesting and wonderful things this new day will bring!


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