Sunday, April 22, 2007

Blending with the flow

I had a week between projects which became two weeks when the start date was moved to tomorrow, April 23. Those two weeks seem like a year to me and I can see why the Universe gave me this time to transform and renew. I don't feel like the same person at all. This energetic transformation is going on with the earth and everyone on it at this time and this is my personal experience.

My energy level changed during these two weeks. One time the gas pedal stuck on my car and the engine was roaring. That's how I felt at times -- like I was about to come out of my skin and fly. I appreciated the new energy and told the Manager I wanted to feel comfortable with it and for it to come in smoother. It did.

This change showed up in my physical life as letting go of whatever was no longer needed, thoughts or things, so that the new stands free and clear. The new was already here amongst the old, more came in these two weeks, more is coming.

I decluttered with mad abandon. You've probably seen the movies of an animal who is digging a new den or hole in the earth. Their legs are planted in the earth, butt in the air, and the earth is flying out behind their powerfully digging arms. That was me sans fur. I was moving so fast when I first started that I was actually panting. I just have a few things left to wear in my closet and that's very ok with me. I'd rather have a few things I really like to wear than things that are useful, but not interesting. I went through paperwork and receipts. Everything was up for review and it was so satisfying to put the bags out for trash pickup.

I've been through the decluttering process many times before. I've moved six times in the last five years and each time there was a lot that I gave away or tossed. One time I gave away several boxes of stuff in my living room and I didn't even know what was in them. Moving really puts objects in perspective -- it takes time to pack and unpack them and costs money to move them. Do I really like it or need it? And I have to laugh because I've helped the process along by moving into smaller and smaller places.

There is outdated energy in books I've read before or ones that I bought and know I won't get to. Projects that weren't completed or never begun. An object kept because it was a gift or reminded me of someone, not because I liked it. Even pictures or art objects, clothes, books, or anything that might have been a source of pleasure at one time, but aren't any more. All these things are old energy -- and the fulfillment of someone else's desire when they are given away.

I've changed the way I eat. I wanted to support the new energy and also cook in a way that gives me more time for the things that I want to do. I'm using spices in a new way and, for now, seem to be cooking really delicious soups that I can reheat and add a side salad or vegetables to for quick meals. I see casseroles in my future. The foods I'm using now were there in my repertoire, but not put together in the same way. I notice I'm no longer interested in some foods at all anymore. When I eat now I have an immediate experience if the food supports my energy or if I feel tired or sluggish. I'm a hedonist and like feeling good so supporting this new energy becomes my pleasure. I notice I feel hungry more often, wanting smaller meals during the day rather than any meal being larger or more substantial than the others. I get involved with something ignoring hunger until I feel ravenous, the food satisfies my hunger quickly, and I go on to other things.

I'm not at all saying what I'm doing is "purer" or I've reached some kind of "stuff" Nirvana. I've been a vegetarian before and am not back to that now, although I can see I'm heading in that direction again. I'm having more fun with food. If I want chocolate ice cream, I get chocolate ice cream and enjoy every bit of it! When I eat that way I feel good afterwards no matter what I ate. And what kind of "stuff" do I really need? A plate, knife, fork, pan, place to sleep, a few clothes, and little more. I could declutter more. There's always old to let go of. Always more new coming in. I've had enough of it. Now on to other things.

I've found it's never, ever about the physical -- not even concerning my body. The physical world is where I play, including my body, but it's not where I live and have my being. So, decluttering and changing the way I eat is more about honoring the way I'm feeling and my desire to change my thinking than it is about things.

The changes in my thinking led me to decluttering and decluttering also supported changing my thinking. When I was deciding what to keep or where to move things I did want, I was able to clarify my desires for the new things I've been thinking about. I made space so that things I want to use are easier to get to. There was a very quick interplay between thinking of something I wanted to do or be and immediate ideas for things to get rid of or move. I noticed that when I got rid of some objects, the experience they evoked flooded and filled me. I let go of attaching a feeling to a thing. Even a small experience is powerful as I posted here. And what happened in these two weeks was that every area in my life shifted to a more comfortable, freer place.

I feel much lighter physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've always enjoyed the experience of communicating with non-physical whether it was with personalities of guides and teachers, my Inner Being, Christ, or the Loving Presence of Source Energy. I've been experiencing the "distance" between me and "them" as being less and less -- they have felt closer and less of a specific personality. I don't feel as much like I'm talking to an "other" anymore although I do still experience a loving, intelligent regard watching over and being present with me. I hope I always have that feeling of companionship.

The hard edges of resisting beliefs about who I am have dissolved in a very big way and I'm softening energetically. I might describe the sensation as blending with the flow. Whatever is happening, it feels very good and natural and right. Like coming home to who I really am.

There is a song from the movie You've Got Mail that started going through my mind a few days ago. I heard the tune, but could only remember one word, "Remember." I got the movie out yesterday and finally found it. It's the scene where Meg Ryan is having that gentle, fun breakup with her boyfriend. He tells her about someone he's interested in and asks her if she has someone. She says no, but there is the dream of someone. Then the song starts as she walks away, "Remember. Life isn't always what it seems. Remember. Dream. Dream. Dream." That song started to play in my mind as I was writing this. This song is such a lovely way to remind myself that what is important is the experience. That's what we are here for. And that dreams do come true. And then another. And another. For as long as we all shall live. Forever.


At Monday, April 23, 2007 at 6:45:00 AM EDT, Blogger Gina said...

Lovely post Suzanne and what you're experiencing feels so very good, even to me vicariously.
:-) gina


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