Tuesday, January 31, 2006

How we heal from physical expressions of dis-ease

I've been going through an intense energy change for about two weeks. There's so much going on physically and emotionally that I didn't blog it.

It started about two weeks ago with bronchitis. I was experiencing changes in my sleep patterns. The last two Saturdays I couldn't get to sleep at all until 6 or 7 am on Sunday morning. They were two dark nights of the soul, really up against fears, the second one not as intense as the first time. I had erratic energy levels, feelings of racing energy sometimes and was waking up with it when I was sleeping. I felt fatigue during the day and really irritable.

The physical symptoms are familiar. Bronchitis and pneumonia are very old patterns for me from childhood. It's where my body expresses the feelings I didn't deal with and lets me know it doesn't want them stored inside anymore. I used to get really sick because I was barely aware of what the emotions were. When I was a child I knew I felt like I was suffocating emotionally and could feel that with the dis-ease, but didn't know what to do about it.

The more I let the connection between my feelings/physical symptoms be conscious and deal with it, the easier the physical dis-ease is released. This time I didn't concern myself so much with trying to understand memories or feelings I could only vaguely put together. I just recognized that they were coming up at the same time as the bronchitis, were from childhood and very familiar, they didn't feel good, and I did the energy work or journaling or prayer or whatever was needed to move the energy along.

That's one of the wonderful things about energy work. I have a masters in clinical social work and have been a counselor. Talking therapy does work, but the energy work is where the real revolution is now and has been in a pretty big way for about 20 years. We can move the energy of those stored experiences or thoughts very quickly with it. And the most important part is that we don't have to remember these thoughts or connect them with events/emotions or even understand them. We can just plain let it go and move on to something better.

That being said. I am not bashing doctors. I have always said what God doesn't provide inside is provided outside. So, it's a matter of doing what seems right at the time and I've certainly gone to doctors and appreciated their healing arts. The theory of the mind/body connection has been around in the popular press since the 60's. Knowing it intellectually and really experiencing it are two different things. It's a big step for me to really be aware that this symptom I experience, this "bronchitis," is really a healing process for my body. It's looking at it from another, and much more positive, perspective. And this time, for the first time, I became aware that what was going on was my body attempting to go to a new energy level.

Here's how I have experienced that working: I have the desire for prosperity, allowing myself to be successful at what I really enjoy, just loving myself more, and always, always...to feel better. And the bronchitis/pneumonia was an expression of my resistance. I had gotten to a certain point and it was time to clean out more of those suffocating beliefs about myself and the world that wouldn't allow what I desired.

When we make decisions when we are very young, it seems like the way things are. The most difficult for me to see have been the decisions I made about myself. I was so young that I didn't have the emotional equipment to really look at it and I wasn't even aware of the actual thoughts. It just seemed like the truth.

It's all about something I've been talking about a lot, me trusting the Universe and having faith. The part that fascinates me right now is recognizing that what is going on is wanting to go to a new energy level and allowing more life energy to go through me and to me. And this has to happen for me to love myself more, be more successful at what I enjoy, etc.

I think there is just so much we can be aware of. So, we have the tip of the iceberg and if we don't let it move and get it out then we don't know what is underneath it. We can't see it. I had old stuffed feelings and thoughts and patterns of behaving that were often subconscious and the more I clear them and allow energy to move, the faster they are released.

That first burst of energy for a day or two as the blocks clear feels like I'm flying inside. It doesn't feel under my control. But now I have enough trust in the Universe to know I don't have to know what's going on. All I have to do is get out of the way and enjoy the ride and the more I get out of the way, the faster it feels like it's going, but it's ok. I don't have to do anything about it or watch it or control it or pay attention to it at all. It's safe. And as I trust I come in snyc with that energy and it feels comfortable to me. And then I have access to more life energy, awareness, and new ideas. And it just keeps going that way, like a red carpet rolling out at my feet.

It's like I've been trying to control the flow of God through me because it didn't feel like it was under my control and I didn't have the trust to just let it flow -- what I thought was alive and interesting didn't fit the way my family, local culture, and ex-husband thought. Well, that Life Energy, God, isn't under my control -- I can only control whether I allow myself to experience it or whether I resist it -- and for a very long time I tried to tamp it down, not make waves if I could. Not successfully. I just had a foot in two different worlds, not both feet on the ground going in the same direction.

The Abraham-Hicks material talks about all of this and there are many other teachers who say similar things in different ways. I called the Unity prayer line on my first Saturday dark night of the soul. The woman who answered was incredible. I said a sentence or two and she knew what I was going through -- among other things she told me was that it was a dark night of the soul. She told me life was meant to be an adventure. Trust.

Know that there is so much love for you in the physical world and the non-physical. There is only Love. There is only God. As Abraham-Hicks, says, there is only a Source of Well-Being.

And isn't that grand :)


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