Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I get my training wheels on seeing love in every thought and experience

In the Feb. 10 and Feb. 23 posts I talked about experiences I could only describe as altered states. I walked around for several hours feeling at one with love and seeing and experiencing everything as that love. These experiences have had a profound impact on me and I am changing fast. I do want things, but I've learned that for me it's all about feelings and the feeling is love -- the other "stuff " means little to me without it. And the more I trust that what I need is provided, the more I allow myself to focus on aligning with the feeling of love, the easier it is to do so, and the happier I feel. It is a real rush to get any desire met from that space of allowing -- the cost or size of the desire doesn't matter at all -- it's the experience of knowing and feeling the Presence that gift is coming from.

I've had some really, really neat experiences surrendering to that trust through what would have looked like contrast to me at one time. I'm even starting to feel exhilarated, freed, and excited by the experiences. I love that feeling of being taken care of by a loving Universe. I love feeling safe.

The change has been too fast to synthesize right now so I'll just look at my journal and see what I can come up with. This was my experience one day:

3/15/07 6 AM. I had a vision before that felt like an altered state -- walking in love -- and now what is happening is love is becoming real in all I do.... The Presence I felt in the altered state is there and assisting me all the time, watching over me, available.

7:39 PM. So many very good things happened today!! I feel this Presence and any time I want to I can touch it. I am having a workshop all the time, for each thought, about how to work through it -- like my thoughts are a jungle gym and I'm walking amongst them and practicing finding the love there. It is as if I am being taught how to get in touch with that love that I felt during those altered states while I am experiencing every physical experience. And right now there is a lot going on. I am again thinking that there is actually no contrast at all.

When I have a thought or something happens that I don't enjoy, I have been finding the feeling I want and then asking for my desire. The Presence asks me often when I have a thought -- what do you want? A lot of time the way I get in touch with the feeling I want is asking to be with the Presence or align with the Presence or thinking and feeling about the altered state experiences of love. This is good. This is very, very good.

Examples of what I was journaling about are that I was taking training for some project work where we have to qualify after training to do the work. I score standardized tests and have to make decisions constantly about it -- and we have random test sets all day to make sure we are scoring correctly. So, I might have a thought about getting tired or wanting a more comfortable chair or not knowing how to score an answer that is a fence post sitter and ask for help with it. My car was overheating and I had to drive an hour in rush hour traffic so I asked for help with that. One street I drove on had very high water. There was a line of traffic and I didn't realize the problem until I got to the water. SUVs and big cars drove past me in the other lane sending surges of water up the side of my car and over the hood!! Was I in touch with the Presence then!! LOL. I got through the water and out to the other side, I got green lights, and all manner of good things...and I also got that feeling of reassurance...oh, that beautiful feeling of reassurance! That all is well. I AM there. All is well.

I said this in the italicized notes above from my journal and it bears repeating. I'm beginning to think...well, actually it makes a lot of sense to me...that there is no contrast. Abe says we want things or experiences because we want to feel good. I'm more and more going straight to feeling good first and the more I do, the better I feel. I feel balanced and strong and centered when I live my life this way. And logically, it seems to me that if I align with well-being first and trust that what I want is given, then there isn't really any contrast. Maybe there are only decisions.

I'm writing this post on 3/20 and I will say that at this point I don't feel the Presence in the same way I did last week. I thought at the time that it was kind of like training wheels on a bike -- that the Presence made itself known all the time so that I could practice thought by thought. And I had several other things going on than the ones I noted above on that particular day. It was like an exercise course and I started getting a sense of fun out of it all -- especially after getting through that water.

And using water as a metaphor, maybe we don't sink or swim -- maybe we become divers when we are in deep water -- maybe we float on a raft and have someone bring us a tasty drink in a carved out pineapple with a little umbrella in it -- maybe we hitch a ride on a porpoise and experience something beautiful. Maybe it's all good! What a thought, isn't it?


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